Is "anyone" out there? I had hoped to help those women suffering as I had from the effects of having a narcissistic mother; the self doubt, the feelings of never being successful, never being good enough. I always felt that no matter what I did, not just in my relationship with my mother but in almost all areas of my life, it just was not good enough. When I was succesful at things and people would praise me, I felt like a fake. If only they really knew me.
I had hoped to share my experience and the journey to feeling good about myself. The ups and downs, the discovery of all the areas of my life that having a NM affected. I am still trying to get over my tendency to procrastination to the point of self-sabotague, but my issues with food, cigarrettes, other substance abuse, and really bad men, seems to be on track and under control and I am enjoying myself and realizing the potential in my future for the first time in my life. At 48 years of age, I wish I had discovered all this a long time ago, but I am still healthy, active and strong, so there are not too many things I can't do if I want to. I had hoped to do all this, to expand on the book, go over some other helpful books, share with someone who needs to share (as this is not exactly a problem you go around telling everyone about), BUT, there doesn't seem to be anyone actually reading the blog.
If you are out there just let me know. Until then, I may post if I feel like it, but I have other people to share with now (when I feel I need to) and I have lots of personal development work to do. While I can see an open future, I have to figure out where I want it to go. Do I want to continue to breed cats and go to cat shows? Do I want to open up my time and go back to doing artwork? Should I think of that as part of my future income when I can no longer do dog grooming? I want to open up my time to do some of the things I haven't had time to do like gardening. I was so busy last gardening season that I didn't get to really do any of it at all, and I missed it. Martin was nice enough to plant the garden and harvest things as they came up, but I didn't get the joy from it. I need to figure out where the joy is in my life and expand on those things, go back to those things, and get rid of the things that stagnate me. So many things you do out of habit, obligation, etc., and you don't stop to think about why you are actually doing them. I have been thinking lately of why I am doing them and a lot of the time I spend in a day is busy, but not really doing me any good either financially or personally.
Please if you are out there, email me or post a comment to the blog. I want to hear from you if you are there.
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